If Tears Could Talk
Today and for the first time in quite a while, I cried. On my way home from college,and on my 40 minute drive, I just let go and with no effort at all tears came flowing. They were silent tears, running one after the other. Why? I asked myself..and found no answer. There is no good reason, actually there is none, whether it be good or bad. It could be academic stress or physical exhaustion or any related worry -which is increasing by the day. But no, that's not it. I know what it is, putting it to words is a challenge though. I'll give it a shot anyways. I don't feel satisfied, it's like there's an emptiness inside that nothing can fill...it's a blank area in me, and it's bipartate.
One part is eaten out, nibbled at by life. I believe almost everyone's been through that and frankly nothing can be done about it.Just sit there and pray that one day all the meanness and abuse you've put up with silently pays off and you meet people even better than yourself to bear with your crap, lest you learn true humility.
The other part is more complicated, it's that yearn to prove myself, to succeed and accomplish, to become a successful woman -not particularly a successful career woman. I don't care to be a rocket scientist or a world famous physician, I just care to be good-natured, kind, wise eduacted.I care for others to love,respect and above all appreciate me.
Conclusion: one part is what I received, the other is what I could be giving.
I'll just assume that what I am experiencing now is all natural with life starting soon and future sneaking from around the corner. I have to decide who -not what- I want to become. It may all sound quite easy, but in fact it's a lot to ask a person who takes 30 minutes to decide what to waer everytime she leaves the house.
P.S. Part 2 of the Koln post is coming your way. Way too dark a mood now!
One part is eaten out, nibbled at by life. I believe almost everyone's been through that and frankly nothing can be done about it.Just sit there and pray that one day all the meanness and abuse you've put up with silently pays off and you meet people even better than yourself to bear with your crap, lest you learn true humility.
The other part is more complicated, it's that yearn to prove myself, to succeed and accomplish, to become a successful woman -not particularly a successful career woman. I don't care to be a rocket scientist or a world famous physician, I just care to be good-natured, kind, wise eduacted.I care for others to love,respect and above all appreciate me.
Conclusion: one part is what I received, the other is what I could be giving.
I'll just assume that what I am experiencing now is all natural with life starting soon and future sneaking from around the corner. I have to decide who -not what- I want to become. It may all sound quite easy, but in fact it's a lot to ask a person who takes 30 minutes to decide what to waer everytime she leaves the house.
P.S. Part 2 of the Koln post is coming your way. Way too dark a mood now!
posted by Tiny at 6/21/2006 01:47:00 AM
5 Comments:
Tiny,,or let me say Dinaaa :)
well, i really do respect this post a lotttt, it's wonderful how simple and honest we can express ourselves kda..
i really like ur analysis of ur status 2day, actually i do appreciate crying in itself!, i respect that we all need 2laugh and yell and cry and run, we r full of emotions which must be out a way or another, soo gr8 that u let them out in this beautiful way..
actually u tackled v.important 2 points which may sums up one's life, wht he receives and wht he gives,,we should just manage 2have faith in wht we receive and maintain a good attitude towards it..a positive one,,and wht u give is probably in ur hands, some way, with ofcourse circumstances aiding u..i think all wht we need is 2believe in ourselves that we can b successful and accomplish wht we yearn for,,and i do believe in u that u can b successful..i believe we do have more 2give 2the world, we r full of capabilities but actually we tend 2waste time n energy more..
soo get out of this mood! mafish mane3 2shed some tears every now n then, but,,we need the fresh fun tiny again 2land us back to Germany ;)
missing u..
Yeah, I guess you have to be in this place at some point.
I don't think it's good news but we keep coming back to this very same place. Your anxiousness for the future will come and go every now and then, not only at this stage of your life. But that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's a sign of those who care about what they do with their lives. And that's pretty much the only prerequisite I can think of for anyone to be able to go where they want in life.
i totally understand..frankly i go thru it on a regular basis"in every sense of the word if u know what i mean;)
My advice..let ur heart whisper its fears and anguish to ur lacrimal glands..let it all out, just make sure u know deep down and in that higher centre way up thatll all pay off in the end..ull c..one day
paradise is not for free gurly.."no pain no hottie lol"
p.s Vit.B12..works magic lol
I don't know what to tell you, sometimes life gets so... just so. And there's nothing we can do about it, so we get it out in the form of tears or anger. I think deep down we know why we're crying but we tend to say "I don't know why" at first, maybe because we don't want to admit that we are vulnerableand that some things can actually affect us that much.
The positive side though is that usually we're strong enough to make it through and the gloomy mood does pass. Courage ya Dina I know you're tough and you can handle life! Be patient and everything will work out just fine ;)
Thanks everyone for your thoughtfulness
>Honeybee: As much as I like expressive writing of the sort,I just fear that too much will be too gloomy.. It's only a blog after all :)
>Chris: Thank you for grounding a simple fact-not the first time and definetly won't be the last. However, confirming whether I do get somewhere someday will have to wait for a while.
>Lady D: Always a pleasure to hear from you:) We should actually thank God for tears (not only for their protective role to the cornea- hehehe can't help playing doc) for they save us having to deal with our surrows inside, but rather let them out. Tears drying out are pretty much like those negative emotions, that evetually vanish.
>Ceopatrina: Your medical expressions crack me up!!! Lacrimal glands and vit b12..hehehe...but seriously,how does it help!?
>Hippie: "Just so" and "vulnerable" sum it all up! And yes we actually are strong enough but I wonder how!? Thanks for believing in me ya bent..I owe you one ;)
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