Now I Can Be Happy Again
This post was written a few days ago, but it's time for it to see the light.I cannot withhold such hallucinations anymore.I've given it the once-over, it's incoherent but makes sense to me.
Do I belong in this world?
Today I got a heavenly answer to that question that's been tormenting the life out of me. I keep getting those clear-cut signals one day after the other, one year after the other.
I don't belong in this day and time. It's like the whole point of growing up is coming to terms with this simple fact. I feel like wrapping up everything I was raised to believe in and flush it down the toilet! From honesty to integrity to decency...all fibs!
What were they thinking when they told me not to lie, or fool around, or fool others?? It's like hypocrite land here!! You say one thing while you are the exact opposite. It's the time-old story. You know how people can start telling lies, insulting your intelligence and taking you for a fool? I pity them for their innocent belief in their fib-telling talent! And then there are those who are very proud of something they have like a million dollars, and go waste it all in a hand of poker!! (That's a distant example but you get the picture)
Why do I care what others are doing? Because it sometimes gets to me. I am no island, I deal with those people day-in day-out. I am usually naive enough to believe them. I don't want to be so anymore, I don't want to be used or abused anymore, and I have every right. But if I do, then I might as well pack my things and go live in the desert, because every human I may -and probably is- double faced. That's harsh, I know, but if it will help me lose my vulnerability, be it.
Meg Ryan once said " Happy, smile.Sad, frown. Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion."
One last note: my best friend once said that if we let go of our standards, we lose our self-respect. True, Beezo. But seriously, would it kill me?! No,it wouldn't, I'll eventually learn to live with it, and maybe even beat others at their own game ;)
P.S. This post is not about my morals, standards, or others' frame of reference!
Do I belong in this world?
Today I got a heavenly answer to that question that's been tormenting the life out of me. I keep getting those clear-cut signals one day after the other, one year after the other.
I don't belong in this day and time. It's like the whole point of growing up is coming to terms with this simple fact. I feel like wrapping up everything I was raised to believe in and flush it down the toilet! From honesty to integrity to decency...all fibs!
What were they thinking when they told me not to lie, or fool around, or fool others?? It's like hypocrite land here!! You say one thing while you are the exact opposite. It's the time-old story. You know how people can start telling lies, insulting your intelligence and taking you for a fool? I pity them for their innocent belief in their fib-telling talent! And then there are those who are very proud of something they have like a million dollars, and go waste it all in a hand of poker!! (That's a distant example but you get the picture)
Why do I care what others are doing? Because it sometimes gets to me. I am no island, I deal with those people day-in day-out. I am usually naive enough to believe them. I don't want to be so anymore, I don't want to be used or abused anymore, and I have every right. But if I do, then I might as well pack my things and go live in the desert, because every human I may -and probably is- double faced. That's harsh, I know, but if it will help me lose my vulnerability, be it.
Meg Ryan once said " Happy, smile.Sad, frown. Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion."
One last note: my best friend once said that if we let go of our standards, we lose our self-respect. True, Beezo. But seriously, would it kill me?! No,it wouldn't, I'll eventually learn to live with it, and maybe even beat others at their own game ;)
P.S. This post is not about my morals, standards, or others' frame of reference!
posted by Tiny at 10/25/2006 02:44:00 AM
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